Raising girls vs. boys in India...

Last night a friend of ours, a non-traditional student - and someone who has endured school and is set to graduate next May, came by to interview me for an assignment on cultural diversity. Her Emic interview was to focus on 'differences and similarities in raising girls vs. boys' in a culture other than her own. Are they given similar or different expectations about how they will relate to their parents in adulthood? In what ways are a "good girl" and a "good boy" the same, and in what ways are they different?

Having lived in the US for some 34 years, and having/and still trying my darndest to be the best parent I can be, I found it intriguing as I stepped out of my American-Indian shoes and slipped back into Indian-heritage to reflect upon this rather interesting interview. It is true that I did not grow up in a traditional Indian home. I believe we were fairly exposed to western ways and my parents didn't lean too heavily on traditional ways of getting things done. So, in some ways, I had to look beyond how I was raised and look at some of bigger cultural values and norms that guide many Indian homes.

So, are children raised differently in India. Of course! I do believe that in a traditional home, outside of large metropolitan areas, roles for males and females are pretty well defined. India is after all a fairly collectivist nation. In the collectivist state, the smallest group of survival is the family. Each member of the family has a role and the importance of the group is more important than that of the self. It is this value that defines what boys can and should do and girls can and should do. Unfortunately, in trying to keep true to these values, parents often chose very narrow path for their children to follow. Straying from that path can lead to very serious and severe consequences not just for that one person, but for the entire group - often the family. Thus the concepts of saving face, harmony and consensus adds to pressure of conforming to the roles assigned.

Traditional parents raise children with the hope that their reward would be that their children would care for them in their old age. Unfortunately, there is still a notion that boys are less expensive to raise and care for, while girls are seen as expensive and a bane to the prosperity of the family. Kumar Nilendu, the general manager of Child Rights and You goes on to say, "In India, the girl child faces four heinous crimes – foeticide, child labour, child marriage and abuse. In addition, she suffers three key deprivations: she is deprived of an education, of the right to health and nutrition and the right to develop.”

Do I need to aplogize for the Indian culture? No! Cultures develop on their own, in isolation, and people arrive at norms, values and believes through trial and error. Cultures do appear strange to outsiders, but for the most part, they do work for that particular group of people.

Then, do I agree with these practices? No, and there are many in India who also believe as I do and are doing their best to change the notion that India is the 'land of the rising son.' One such example is the 'ladli' scheme in New Delhi where the state government intends to deposit Rs. 100,000 in the account of every girl child (of parents whose income does not exceed Rs. 100,000 a year) by the time she attains the age of 18. The goal of the ladli scheme is to ensure that no girl child is a burden on her parents. This, it is hoped, will prevent the menace of female foeticide. As Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit emphasized, "Every girl child is now a symbol of prosperity of her family."

On my recent trip to India, I was in several metropolitan areas. I saw many young men and women freely move about with little restriction. Women operating scooters and motorcycles, driving cars, socializing in clubs and pubs, and leading demonstrations. Woman politicians lead major parties, serve in several cabinets at every level of goverment and are slowly making their way into what would have been completely male bastions just a couple of decades ago.

Seeing all of this, it would be hard to think of India as anything but an egalitarian society. But, the truth is that the deep roots of hierarchy are hard to uproot. Although all of the signs exist that society is slowly but surely moving in that direction. I hope so. But disturbing statistics do exist. I just saw a report that 40% of the current female domestic help in Mumbai are young girls ages, 8 to 16. Children who have followed in the footsteps of their mothers to help ease the ever-growing demand for domestic help in large metropolitan areas of India.

I do believe that everyone should have an equal chance to express themselves and be who they wish to become. I wish India the very best. It is truly an amazing nation.

Wow - I did not mean to get that serious. Last night was a mellow night. I did get to the gym and had an exceptionally hard workout. Maybe that helped cleared my mind as I sat to do the interview. Or was I mellow because I did not have the opportunity to get too excited at the way the Minnesota Twins were faring at the hands of the New York Yankees. The final score was lopsided. The Twins lost - end of story (#1/5).

Until the next time!